Welcome To The Funny Farm
by Athenian Affinity
Summary: Yugi and Co win a trip to Canada, but things go downhill when they get stranded on a farm in the middle of nowhere and have to live like hicks to survive!
1. Default Chapter

Author's Notes: Well, this is my 1st Yu-Gi-Oh! fic, but not my 1st fanfic, just don't expect it to be really good; it'll probably suck! Anyways the idea of this fic came from the fact that I live in what could possibly be the smallest town on Earth, and I also have animals, I'm in 4-H, I know a lot of hicks etc.! So, yeah, this fic could be really disturbing to write, keeps reminding me of how scary hicks are! Lol! Just keep in mind that this fic is humor, and when I make characters idiots, I'm doing it all in good fun! Also I would like to mention a few things that might confuse you otherwise. Yami and Yami Bakura are going to have separate bodies from their hikaris, and they'll also be attending highschool just because it makes this fic a lot easier for me to write, and hopefully a lot funnier for you. Also, everyone is going to have summer vacation, but the school year is different in Japan, so that might not work normally, so just play along. So enough from me and on with the fic! Please note, that I did bash Canada pretty bad too, but that's just because I live here, so don't think it represents Canada as a whole.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! So don't even think of suing me, but this fic is mine!  
  
'Boring, boring, boring!' Is the thought process that made its way through the minds of students of Domino High who were stuck in the dreaded "Agriculture Awareness" Class. As the sun shined down brightly outside, they were stuck inside, learning about the "joys" of farming.  
  
Teacher: And that's why it's imperative to know about agriculture. Can you even imagine not knowing where your milk and eggs come from? (Looking around the room and noticing half of the students are asleep.) Okay can anybody here even tell me where they come from?  
  
Yugi: (Tentatively raising his hand.) From a farm?  
  
Teacher: Yes from a farm, but does anyone know what animals on the farm eggs or milk come from?  
  
Class: ...?  
  
Teacher: Okay, how about. (Noticing Kaiba reading a book.) Kaiba! Why don't you enlighten the class and tell us where milk and eggs come from.  
  
Kaiba: (Setting down his book, 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens'.) Um, ah, well it is an obvious well-known fact that egg and milk products come from domesticated animals.  
  
Teacher: (Clearly starting to get pissed off) Such as?  
  
*Ring*  
  
Joey: Yes!! Saved by the bell again!!!!!! I don't how much longer I could've lasted.  
  
With that said, he jumped up and out of his seat, starting to make a mad dash for the door along with every other student in the class!  
  
Teacher: Class, before you go off for summer break, and I get my life back. I would like to remind you to try and remember agriculture from time to time, such as when you go shopping at the grocery store or put on a nice wool sweater. (She stopped, as the last of the students ran out the door screaming.)  
  
~Outside School~  
  
The gang, which was Yugi, Yami, Joey, Tristan, Tea, Ryou, and Bakura, walked slowly down the sidewalk past the school, on the way to Yugi's house to hear about some news from his Grandpa. Beside the school stood Seto Kaiba, waiting impatiently for his limo to pick him up.  
  
Yugi: Hey Kaiba! What are you doing for summer break?  
  
Kaiba: That's none of your business. (folding his arms and shooting them a death glare.)  
  
Yugi: Oh, okay, we don't know what we're doing yet, maybe we'll go somewhere or something.  
  
Bakura: (Snicker) Yeah like I would go anywhere with this group!  
  
Everyone, but Bakura and Kaiba: (Death Glare) Shut up!!  
  
They were just about to start of down the street again, when Yugi, being the friendly midget that he is decided to ask Kaiba if he wanted to come.  
  
Kaiba: No.  
  
Yugi: Come on, it'll be fun!  
  
Kaiba: No.  
  
Joey: He said "no", and I don't want him to come anyway! (grabbing Yugi by the shirt and dragging him away.)  
  
Yugi: But Kaiba, is your limo even going to show up?  
  
Kaiba: Yes, it always does. (Gets cut off by the ringing of his cell phone and answers it) WHAT!!!??? What do you mean the limo broke down? Get a different limo!!!!! WHAT!!!???? That can't take a half an hour!!!!!! Fine, forget it! You're fired!!! (Hangs the phone up.)  
  
Tea: What, is your limo not coming?  
  
Kaiba: No, but I can walk.  
  
Yugi: Why don't you come over to my house, and then my grandpa can drive you over to your place later?  
  
Kaiba: Well, I don't thi-  
  
Yami: KAIBA! Quit being so stubborn.! (Yami's patience was clearly thinning.)  
  
Kaiba: Whatever. Your group is a broken record.  
  
And so the group started down the sidewalk towards the Game Shop, hopefully to hear the important news, that Yugi's grandpa said he had for them. Finally, after only several near fistfights between some of them they arrived at the Shop.  
  
Solomon Mouto: Hello everyone! Have I got some news for you!  
  
Everyone: Hi!  
  
Yugi: So, what is the news about Grandpa?  
  
Solomon: Well, I entered a contest a few weeks ago.  
  
Everyone: And?  
  
Solomon: And I won.  
  
Everyone: (anime sweatdrop.)  
  
Joey: Uh, what did ya win?  
  
Solomon: Huh?  
  
Tea: You said that you won a contest, so what did you win?  
  
Solomon: Oh that! How could I forget that!  
  
Kaiba: (Under his breath) I don't know, senility does seem to do that.  
  
Bakura: (Overhearing) I actually quite agree.  
  
Ryou: That's mean!  
  
Bakura: Are you going somewhere with this, or do I need to give you a lesson in respect?  
  
Ryou: (Slowly backing into a corner.) I'll be good!  
  
As for Yugi's grandpa, he still hadn't answered their question and instead had gotten a broom and was now sweeping the floor, while everyone else just watched in shock at how completely senile he was.  
  
Solomon: Oh, and incase I forget to say it later, goodbye!  
  
Everyone: WHAT!!!!  
  
Solomon: Oh, did I forget to tell you about the trip?  
  
Tristan: Um, yes. (Scratching his head in bewilderment.)  
  
Joey: Yeah, ya did kinda forget to mention dat!  
  
Meanwhile, after hearing that, Yami started to drag Yugi out of earshot of his Grandpa.  
  
Yami: Why haven't you put him in a home yet?  
  
Yugi: Yami, how can you say something so insensitive? (Tears were starting to form in Yugi's eyes, and he was giving a cute little pout to top it all of.)  
  
Yami: Simple, I don't sleep at night anymore because I hear him wondering around the house setting fire to the kitchen.  
  
Yugi: Touché.  
  
Back to the trip.  
  
Solomon: The trip is supposed to be a travel package for six to tour across Canada, or something like that.  
  
Everyone: Canada!!!!????  
  
Joey: That arctic wasteland?  
  
Tristan: I heard they throw their old people off the ice flows to their deaths!! (0_0)  
  
Yami and Yugi: (Both looking at Grandpa and then exchanging a knowing glance.) Let's go!!!  
  
Solomon: Yes, I was thinking it might be good for all of you to get out and see the world, I wouldn't need to come along, this could be just for you teenagers .(Looking around the room and counting it's occupants.) CRAP!  
  
Bakura: What now, you pathetic excuse for a mortal?  
  
Solomon: There are eight of you. Is anyone about to die anytime soon?  
  
Silence filled the room as everyone looked around at everyone else, picking off who really isn't needed anymore.  
  
Kaiba: What the hell! This is demented! I'm not even going anyway.  
  
Everyone stopped looking around and instead turned to stare at Kaiba.  
  
Kaiba: What? It's not like I haven't been there before, I've seen Toronto and Vancouver what else is there really? Also, there is no way in hell I would ever take time off of work to travel around Canada with a bunch of losers! And let me point out that I let my brother make plans for what he wanted to do this summer, obviously that wouldn't be going to Canada, now would it?  
  
Yugi: No, I guess not.  
  
Joey: Yay! He's not coming! (Jumping up and down and doing a little victory dance around the room.)  
  
Ryou: But that still leaves one extra person, doesn't it? (He looked around to see if anyone could be cut from the trip and finished with a glance at his darker half.)  
  
Bakura: I may hate all of you, but there is no way in hell I'm missing this trip! Unlike some people (Shooting a glance at a certain CEO.) I don't get to travel much!  
  
Tea: Um, guys?  
  
Everyone: Yeah?  
  
Tea: I think I know a way this will work. (She said this eyeing Yugi head to toe, earning a blush from him.)  
  
Tristan: How? 'Cause there's no way I'm paying the way for someone.  
  
Tea: No, I don't think anyone will have to pay, just trust me on this one okay?  
  
Everyone nodded their heads and it was agreed that Tea would find a way to get someone on the plane and all of their problems would be solved.  
  
Joey: Wait!! What about my sister? We can't just leave her in Domino! It wouldn't be fair!  
  
Tristan: Oh! We couldn't forget Serenity! Don't worry; I'll pay for her! (He said this all very enthusiastically, too enthusiastically.)  
  
Tea: But you just said that-  
  
Tristan: No I didn't!  
  
Joey: Um, yeah man you did say dat you wouldn't pay for-  
  
Tristan: (Looking quite dangerous at the moment.) I NEVER SAID ANYTHING, ALL RIGHT?  
  
Everyone: (Mildly threatened.) All right.  
  
Kaiba: Okay then, everything's settled for your little idiotic trip. Now will someone drive me home before I'm forced to commit suicide.  
  
-Kaiba's Mansion-  
  
After the traumatic experience of getting driven to his house by someone who shouldn't even have a license, Kaiba went straight to trying to find his little brother.  
  
Kaiba: Mokuba? (He yelled up the stairs.)  
  
Mokuba: Big brother, you're home! (He said, bounding down the stairs and giving Seto a hug.)  
  
Kaiba: So, I've been meaning to ask. Have you made plans for that trip the two of us are going to go on?  
  
Mokuba: Yep! It's all done and the tickets have been bought and everything! There's no way we can back out of going now, as we leave next week! (He started to get excited just talking about it, jumping up and down on the spot.)  
  
Kaiba: That's great! (Smiling at his brother's enthusiasm.) And just where exactly are we going?  
  
Mokuba: Canada!!! I've wanted to go for the longest time! It sounds awesome there!  
  
Kaiba's smile turned into a tight little line and sweat started to form on his palms with just that simple three syllable word. Canada. Canada. Canada.  
  
Kaiba: Why!!!!??? Why!!!!???? Why me!!!???? Why does this stuff always happen to me!????! Canada of all places!!! Why!!!???  
  
-1 week later-  
  
In the dark recesses of a very long, very loud line up at the airport were the group of tacky tourists, also know as Yugi, Yami, Tea, Joey, Tristan, Ryou, Bakura, and Serenity. Ryou: I can't believe we are actually going; this is so exciting! (At the very front of the group in the line up, trying to look over people's heads to the front.)  
  
Tea: I know! This is going to be so fun!  
  
Yugi: Speak for your self! (Looking rather pissed off and dangerous, from where he was sitting.)  
  
Yami: Watch your mouth, you must never speak to adults like that! Don't make me get Mr. Bubbles!  
  
Yugi: You can't make me; you're not my parent!  
  
Yami: Quiet! They don't know that! (Staring around at all the other people in the line up, who were giving some very weird looks at Yugi in a baby stroller.)  
  
Yes, poor Yugi was stuck in a baby stroller, trying to look about two years old.  
  
Ryou: Are you sure this will work? (Looking at "baby" Yugi rather skeptical.  
  
Tea: Of course it will! Don't worry, children two and under fly for free, if they sit on an adults lap.  
  
Bakura: Yes, but I seriously doubt anyone has seen such an ugly child before.  
  
Yami: How dare you speak of Yugi like that! (death glare.)  
  
Joey: yeah, he may be a butt ugly baby, but ya don't hafta say it in front of him!  
  
Serenity: That's mean!  
  
Tristan: Yeah, but it's true!  
  
While all this is happening an old couple walks by and stops to peak in the stroller.  
  
Old woman: AAAAHHHHHH! It's hideous!  
  
Old man: Its head is half the size of its body! That's not a baby; it's a monster!  
  
Everyone *__* (Sweatdrop)  
  
~At the very front of the line~  
  
Seto: Mokuba, was it really necessary to travel on a public plane?  
  
Mokuba: Yep! Since when do we get to do things normal people do?  
  
Seto: I don't like normal people, but whatever.  
  
Mokuba: Hey look! (Pointing to near the back of the line.) Is that who I think it is? I didn't know Tea had a baby!  
  
Seto: WHAT??!! (Following Mokuba's gaze.) What are they doing here? (Notices the stroller.) What the hell!!!  
  
Mokuba: Let's go see them! (Starting off in that direction.)  
  
Seto: No!!! Let's not and forget we saw them in the first place. Plus I don't want to lose our spot in the line up.  
  
Mokuba: Oh, come on and quit being such a baby!  
  
Seto: I'm not a baby! (Trying to hide behind some big guy.) I'd rather not be seen in public with such idiotic morons.  
  
Mokuba: Too late! (Waving at them.) Look, they're on their way over!  
  
Seto: (mumbling) Oh shit.  
  
Walking over were Tea, pushing a stroller with Yugi in it protesting, Yami, Ryou, and Serenity. The rest stayed where they were in the line up to keep their spot, and to not have to deal with a certain CEO.  
  
Tea: I didn't expect to see you two here!  
  
Seto: Likewise. (looking at the stroller) WHAT IS THAT!!!???  
  
Yami: Oh, that's just Yugi.  
  
Ryou: He's pretending to be a baby so he can get on the plane for free.  
  
Seto: You actually think that will work? Look at him, he looks like an evil baby that's butt ugly.  
  
Yugi: You know, I'm right here! I can hear you!  
  
Seto: Your point?  
  
Yugi: I make an ugly baby! I know this! You can stop pointing it out anytime now!  
  
Seto: No, I think I would rather not. And what's with the bonnet?  
  
Tea: It makes him look younger.  
  
Seto: Oh.  
  
Yugi: This is so humiliating.  
  
Serenity: I feel your pain.  
  
Tea: Okay, we're here because of our trip to Canada, but why are you here? (Giving Kaiba a questioning look.)  
  
Seto: Well, you see-  
  
Mokuba: (Cutting Seto off.) You're going to Canada too! This is going to be awesome!!!  
  
Tea, Yami, Yugi, Serenity, Ryou: WHAT!  
  
Mokuba: Yeah, I planned our summer trip to Canada!  
  
Yami: And you said your brother would never plan a trip to Canada! (Starts laughing at Kaiba, and pretty soon everyone else joins in.)  
  
Seto: Shut up!  
  
They were about to respond when a voice over the loud speaker announced that they were to start boarding.  
  
Tea: Well I guess we better get back to our part of the line. (Starts walking off, pushing the stroller with Yugi in it.)  
  
Ryou: See you later. (Starts walking back as well)  
  
Serenity: Yeah, we'll probably see you on the plane.  
  
Seto: I wouldn't count on that. The chances are very slim that are tickets would have us all sitting in the same section. Thank God!  
  
With that, Yami and Serenity start to walk off as well.  
  
Mokuba: So you don't think we'll see them on the flight? (Handing his ticket to the lady at the front.)  
  
Seto: No. That's good too; it would be hell to fly with a group like that! (Also handing his ticket in and starting to walk down the hallway with Mokuba to where they would board the plane.)  
  
~15 minutes later~  
  
Ryou: Okay, here's my ticket. (Hands it in, and gets directed down the long hallway.)  
  
Bakura: Here. (Shoves the ticket at the lady and follows Ryou.)  
  
Lady: How Rude!  
  
Joey: Hear ya go! (hands her the ticket and walks down the hall.)  
  
Serenity and Tristan do the same, and walk after the group. Leaving Tea, Yugi and Yami left. Tea hastily shoved the stroller with Yugi in it at Yami and walked towards the front counter.  
  
Lady: Hello Miss, may I have your ticket?  
  
Tea: Of course! (Hands over ticket) Have a nice day! (Starts off down the long hallway)  
  
Yami: (Whispering frantically to Yugi) Okay, try and make this convincing!  
  
Yugi: Alright, Dada!  
  
Yami: Wha- Hey, you're pretty good at this!  
  
Lady: May I have your ticket please?  
  
Yami: Here you go. (Hands over his ticket) And this is my, uh, son Yugi. (Sweatdrop *__*) He's only two.  
  
Lady: Oh, I see. (Peers in stroller) AAHHHHH!!!! Um, okay, that's great! HAVE A NICE DAY!!! BYE! (Shoves Yami and the stroller down the hallway.)  
  
Lady: 'What the hell was that!!!???'  
  
~On the plane~  
  
Joey: Aisle 23, Aisle 23? (Spots it) There's aisle 23!! (Happy he finally found his seat) AAHHHHHHHH!!!! What the hell!!!!! (Noticing it's other occupant at the window seat)  
  
Bakura: It's just my luck that I would get stuck seated next to an idiot!  
  
Joey: (sitting down in his seat) Who ya calling an idiot!!?? (Makes a violent gesture)  
  
Bakura: Hmm, that's strange. I thought I made myself perfectly clear. But it doesn't matter, as it does appear to get even better. (Glancing at the two seats in front of them)  
  
Joey: Hey, who's sitting up front? (Stands up and takes a look) Aaahhhh! Not you!!!  
  
Seto: Oh great, a dog and a psycho are sitting behind us. Mokuba just try to ignore them, okay?  
  
Mokuba: Okay big brother! (Turns around in his seat) Hey Joey, how long are you in Canada for?  
  
Seto: (Sweatdrop) -_-  
  
Joey: Um, uh, (starts thinking really hard)  
  
Bakura: Oh for the love of Ra!! Two weeks!  
  
And the seats across from the Kaiba brothers were about to be occupied as well.  
  
Yami: Finally! (Sitting down in his aisle seat beside Ryou at the window, and with 'baby' Yugi on his lap.) Oh great, just great! (Looking across the at the other seats and noticing Kaiba)  
  
Ryou: I sure hope this flight isn't too rough.  
  
Yami: What do you mean by 'too rough'?  
  
Ryou: It's nothing too important, but I'm really not very fond of flying, that's all.  
  
Yami: 0__0 Which means?  
  
Ryou: I occasionally get sick.  
  
Yami and Yugi: (Sweatdrop) *__*  
  
Meanwhile, everyone else got seated which was, to their horror Tristan and Tea sitting in the seats in front of the Kaiba Brothers, and Serenity seated next to some scary old lady in front of Ryou, Yami, and Yugi.  
  
Stewardess: (Walking out into the middle of the aisle) Hello everyone, and welcome aboard Econo Airlines flight 326. We hope you enjoy yourselves on your flight to Calgary and if you need anything please don't hesitate to ask. (Gives everyone the 'traditional stewardess smile')  
  
Ryou: (Looking sick already) Can I have an extra barf bag?  
  
Stewardess: Umm, see if you can borrow someone else's?  
  
Ryou: Okay. (Gets whapped in the head as everyone throws their barf bags at him.)  
  
Stewardess: Now I will quickly go over the safety procedures and steps to ensure safety in the event of an airline accident. (Another annoying smile)  
  
Ryou: (Looks really, really sick) Oh god! (Reaches for one of his many barf bags)  
  
After several long minutes of going over emergency exits, crash positions including one for parents with small children, and oxygen, the plane was just starting to move.  
  
Yami: So, what does this contraption do exactly aibou? (Looking at Yugi on his lap)  
  
Yugi: It fly's, didn't you know that?  
  
Yami: (Stuttering and gripping his seat) n..no, y..you forgot t..o mention that little detail. I thought it just stayed on the ground or something.  
  
Yugi: Umm, right, and that would explain the crush-landing scenario perfectly.  
  
Yami: Okay, so I didn't pay any attention to that.  
  
Bakura: (Speaking to Ryou through their mind link) You're pathetic! What the hell are you getting sick for anyways!!!???  
  
Ryou : (Lifting his head up from the barf bag) I don't like to fly, I get sick because of the turbulence. (Spoken telepathically)  
  
Bakura: (mind speak) Whatever the hell 'turbulence' is, it can't be that bad! You're just a whiner! (Plane starts to take off, a rough take off I might add) AAHHHH!! What in the name of bloody Ra is going on!!! (Out loud)  
  
Joey: Yeah, this is kinda bumpy! (Starts to look worried)  
  
Just then, the plane started to shake violently sending everyone crashing around their seats.  
  
Joey: (0_0) I'm too young to die!  
  
Bakura: Shut up! Some of us aren't  
  
Serenity: I'm scared. (as an afterthought) AAAhhhhhhhh! (Clutches the old lady)  
  
Then suddenly, as quickly as it began, the plane stopped moving around, and before long the plane was in the air and leveling off.  
  
Everyone: (Lets out that long breath they'd been holding) -_-  
  
Tea: We're alive!  
  
Tristan: Yeah, that was kinda freaky, but at least it's over now.  
  
Tea: (0_0) You spoke too soon! (Plane starts to shake worse them before) We're all gonna die!!!  
  
Tristan: No, wouldn't they say if something was wrong!  
  
Mokuba: We're not going to die, are we Seto? (Looks at his big brother with a terrified look on his face)  
  
Seto: We damn well better not, I'd sue the company!  
  
Mokuba: You're forgetting one thing.  
  
Seto: What?  
  
Mokuba: You'd be dead, and wouldn't be able to sue!  
  
Seto: (sweatdrop) umm, well. (Plane starts to tip downwards) AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone on the plane: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Author's notes: Sorry about the cliffy, I should have the next chapter up soon. That was just the longest chapter I've ever written!!!! I just couldn't shut myself up! Hopefully it wasn't too long though. Well, that's all for now! TTFN! 


	2. Chapter 2

In the last chapter: The group ends up getting a trip to Canada, and head off to the airport, only to find the Kaiba brothers also going! To make things worse Yugi has to pretend to be a baby and then the plane starts to plummet!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! And if you're reading this then you obviously don't either!  
  
A/N: Well, here's the 2nd chapter. I was trying to go for making it shorter then the 1st, but do you think I could actually do that?! Another thing to mention is this is where some hick bashing starts, as well as the use of almost every redneck stereotype in the book! I hold nothing against them, as I'm bordering the line of nearly being one, but I did feel the need to bash. You have been warned!  
  
Everyone stopped and took a much-needed breath.  
  
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Joey: AHHHHHH! I'm Dieing! I'm Dieing! I'm Dead! I'm Dead! (Hands over his head, and chanting over and over)  
  
Bakura: Oh, shut the hell up! (Whaps him over the head) You're not dead yet, unfortunately.  
  
Seto: Would you shut up back there! I don't want to die on the same plane as a dog!!!!  
  
Mokuba: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I think I'm gonna hurl!  
  
Seto: (0_0 Sweatdrop)  
  
Yami: Well yugi this looks like the end! (Clutching Yugi like a rag doll and cutting off his air) It was fun while it lasted!  
  
Serenity: (Strangling the old lady beside her) LET ME OFF!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME OFF!!!! LET ME OFF!!!! GET ME OFF THIS PLANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Passes out)  
  
Tea and Tristan: (Silence)........ AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Then suddenly a voice came over the speakers.  
  
Voice: This is your Captain speaking. What we are experiencing right now is some severe turbulence, which should subside when we level off. Please remain calm and in your seats until then, and thank you for your cooperation.  
  
Everyone: (Sweatdrop) Oh.  
  
Joey: Hahaha (scratching the back of his head) I never once thought we were gonna die!  
  
Bakura: And that would be why you insisted it was your death over and over again?  
  
Joey: Yeah, I was joking!  
  
Bakura: I should kill you.  
  
Joey: 0_0  
  
~Many, many hours later~  
  
Mokuba: Wow Seto, look outside the window. It looks like a badly made checkerboard.  
  
Seto: (Peers over his brother, to the window) Those are fields.  
  
Outside was a huge expanse of fields in all different shapes and colors lining the landscape.  
  
Ryou: Those look like fields. (Pointing out the window)  
  
Yugi: Really? Can I see?  
  
Yami: Yes! Go! Please, I can't feel my legs anymore! Sit on anyone's lap but mine! (Passes him over to Ryou)  
  
Yugi: Oh, cool! There's so many of them, I didn't know people farmed in. Where are we now?  
  
Ryou: I think last I heard we were just entering Alberta.  
  
Serenity: (Turning around in her seat) Good, so we should be there soon. I don't think I can stand being on this plane much longer.  
  
Ryou: But you weren't even awake for most of it, you passed out, remember?  
  
Serenity: Just because I wasn't awake, didn't mean we didn't die again and again in my dreams!  
  
Yami, Yugi, Ryou: (Sweatdrop) Right.  
  
Yet again the Captain came on over the speakers with another announcement.  
  
Captain: We should be landing in Calgary in approximately twenty minutes, as we are a little ahead of time. I hope you have enjoyed your flight, and Econo Airlines and its employees would like to thank you for flying with us. Have a nice day!  
  
Tristan: Enjoyed the flight? They have some nerve asking that!  
  
Tea: Yeah, someone should sue the company! (Turning around in her seat to give a questioning glance at Kaiba.  
  
Seto: What? What did you expect me to do, not sue! Ha! Econo Airlines is going down!  
  
Mokuba: Yay! We're suing another company!!!  
  
Tristan, Tea: (Sweatdrop)  
  
Tea: Umm, Mokuba. Have you ever thought that maybe you should get a better role model?  
  
Mokuba: Nope! I wanna be like Mr. Burns when I grow up! Just like my brother is!  
  
Tristan: Didn't think so.  
  
~Twenty Minutes Later~  
  
As soon as the plane came to a stop everyone jumped up from their seats, grabbed their carry on luggage and started to make their way down the aisle with the rest of the crowd.  
  
Joey: Outa my way! Coming through! (Pushing a group of old people out of the way)  
  
Old man: No, you get outa my way sonny! (Trips Joey with his cane)  
  
Joey: AHHHH! (Falling over on the floor) WHY YOU!!!  
  
Seto: (Walking up to the scene with a smirk) Well, well, it looks as if you've finally found your place. On the floor! Dog!  
  
Joey: (lunging at Kaiba) DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!  
  
Everyone: (-_-) Sweatdrop.  
  
Several long minutes later, which involved a few security guards, the group was off the plane and through security. Amazingly they had even managed to get all their luggage too, which was now being pushed on two carts; One for the Kaiba brothers and one for everyone else.  
  
Yugi: Look! (Gesturing for the group to look at 'Budget Car Rentals' beside airport arrivals) I think that's where we are supposed to go to get the two rental cars that come with winning the contest.  
  
Tea: Cool, I've always wondered what it would be like to rent a car?  
  
Bakura: That's what you wonder about? How pathetic!  
  
Yami: (Muttering under his breath) For once, I actually agree.  
  
Mokuba: You know, that's really funny, because 'Budget' is where I rented our car for our trip!  
  
Seto: (0_0) Sweatdrop.  
  
Tea: Really?  
  
Seto: *_* .  
  
Mokuba: Yep! We got a Toyota!  
  
Seto: (+_+). Shoot me!!  
  
Yugi started forward towards the front desk followed by everyone else.  
  
Yugi: Hello?  
  
At the front desk was a middle-aged lady who seemed to be ignoring him completely, reading a magazine about gardening.  
  
Yugi: Um, hello? Can you help us?  
  
Lady: .  
  
Yami: Aibou, she might be deaf, maybe you should yell a little at her?  
  
Yugi: Good idea. (turns to the lady) HELLO!!!!!! WE NEED A CAR!!!!!!  
  
Lady: AAAHHHHH!!! Holy shit! A midget! (jumping off her seat) Um, I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there!  
  
Yugi: (With tears starting to fall) That's okay, I'm used to it.  
  
Lady: So, how may I help you?  
  
Tristan: (Walking up to the front desk) Well his Grandpa won a contest (pointing to the aforementioned 'midget') and two cars were supposed to be included in the tour package.  
  
Lady: Oh, okay. What is the name under?  
  
Yugi: Mouto.  
  
The lady started to type very fast on her computer while mumbling a few incoherent things. Mouto? Mouto?. Sorry, your name isn't on the computer.  
  
Everyone: (0_0) WHAT!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Lady: Perhaps it is under a different name, eh?  
  
Joey: Hehe! She said "Eh"!  
  
Tea: Joey this isn't the time, we don't even have a vehicle!  
  
Yugi: (Turning back to the lady at the desk) No, I don't think it would be under any other name. Are you sure it isn't under Mouto?  
  
Lady: Positive. I'm very sorry to tell you this, but a lot of those contests aren't all they're cracked up to be. *_* I mean, why in the world would anyone want to go to Alberta, Canada?  
  
Meanwhile, the Kaiba brothers were in the lineup behind them, and of course were catching a good amount of the conversation.  
  
Seto: (Thinking to himself) 'Oh this is good!'  
  
Yugi: Okay, then would it be possible to rent a couple of cars?  
  
Lady: I'm very sorry to say this, but we only have one vehicle left.  
  
Seto: 'This is AWESOME!' ^_^  
  
Yugi: And what type of vehicle would that be?  
  
Joey: Please be a sweet car. please be a sweet car.  
  
Lady: Actually, it's a limo.  
  
Group: YAY!!!!!!!!!! (^_^) A sweet car!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Seto: 'Shit! They got a better car then me! Stupid. crappy. Toyota!'  
  
Lady: . Van.  
  
Seto: ^_^ Oh yeah! Suckers! 'Oops I guess I said that out loud, oh well!'  
  
Mokuba: What's a limo van?  
  
Everyone else with looks of equal confusion turn to look at Seto, who is snickering and about ready to go into hysterical laughter on the floor.  
  
Yami: Limo van?  
  
Ryou: Yes, what exactly is a limo van? Is it a limo, a van, or a bizarre mix of both?  
  
Tea: Care to share?  
  
Seto: Okay, since you idiots have no idea what a limo van is, I guess I get the enjoyment of informing you. (Takes a deep breath to calm his snickering) I am sure you are all aware of those really demented sightseeing tours old people go on?  
  
Joey: Yep!  
  
Tea: Uh huh.  
  
Everyone else just nods in agreement.  
  
Seto: So I'm also sure you know of the big, ugly touring vans they drive around?  
  
Everyone: Yes.  
  
Seto: Put two and two together, but don't bother getting back to me when you finally figure it out. That is if you ever do.  
  
Everyone: .  
  
Seto: Have a nice day; I'm off to get my car now. (Him and Mokuba walk to the front desk.)  
  
Everyone: .  
  
And then finally, as if by a miracle, someone figures it out.  
  
Bakura: BLOODY RA! IT'S A TOURING VAN!!! (O_O)  
  
Joey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Dat can't be right!!!!  
  
Serenity: Oh, but it is. it might not be so bad though; maybe it'll even be fun in a big van together.  
  
Ryou: Yes, we need to stay positive to have a good time.  
  
Bakura: You're a dumb ass. (-_-)  
  
Lady: (over hearing) Did I mention it's a really old limo van?  
  
Everyone: (Sweatdrop) .  
  
Lady: Hmm, guess not. Feel free to think it over for a minute. Anyways, sir can I help you? (Turning to Seto)  
  
Seto: Yes, my brother phoned about two weeks ago to rent a car.  
  
Mokuba: It's under the name Mokuba Kaiba.  
  
Then lady started to type on her computer again, searching for the name.  
  
Lady: Well, today isn't really anyone's day, now is it? I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but there is no car reserved under that name.  
  
Seto: WHAT!!!!!!!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! (O_O)  
  
Joey: Hahahaha! You don't even have a stupid limo van!  
  
Lady: I'm very sorry. We recently fired one of our student employees, because she would take phone calls and never file any of the information. She was still working a couple of weeks ago and it's likely that's what happened.  
  
Seto: . (Looking pissed) -_-  
  
Lady: If you are friends with these people, (gestures at Yugi's group) maybe you could travel with them?  
  
Seto: . (Starting to look murderous) .  
  
Lady: Here, (hands him a piece of paper) have a coupon for a free rental car in Japan.  
  
Seto: . (and insane) (+_+) 'think calm thoughts. think calm thoughts. think about Mokuba. don't go and ruin his trip..'(Grabs a few Tylenol out of his trench coat pocket and swallows them in one gulp.)  
  
Joey: Hell's gonna freeze over, before he comes with us, lady!  
  
Bakura: I 2nd that motion!  
  
Mokuba: Hey, Seto, maybe there's a different car rental place that still has cars?  
  
Seto: . 'inhale.exhale.' Now what did you say?  
  
Lady: You know what? I think all of the other companies have the same problem as us. It's just been so busy around here, summer vacation and all.  
  
Now everyone had turned to look at Seto, who was presently staring off into space, breathing rather deeply and mumbling something under his breath.  
  
Mokuba: Seto, are you okay?  
  
Seto: .  
  
Yugi: Kaiba, I know it's bad, but maybe we'll let you come with us and everything will be okay. (^_^)  
  
Seto: .  
  
Joey: What are ya talking 'bout!? He can't come with us!  
  
Yugi: But look at him. (points at Seto, who was now engrossed in a piece of lint from his pocket.) Plus, I kinda worry about his mental health. (gives the international sign for 'screw loose' beside his head.)  
  
Tea: I guess he can come with us; it's the right thing to do. Extend the hand of friendship. (and blah, blah, blah she went)  
  
Yugi: All those in favor of Kaiba coming with us raise your hand.  
  
Tea had her hand raised, as well as Serenity and Ryou, but Tristan, Bakura, Joey and Yami had their hands down.  
  
Yugi: Yami! How could you?!! (O_O)  
  
Yami: Sorry aibou, but I want to have a good trip.  
  
Yugi: Doesn't matter anyways, my vote counts, which evens the score. And Mokuba hasn't even voted yet!  
  
Bakura: I say we kill the deciding voter! All in favor?  
  
Five hands shoot up in the air, and five pairs of beady eyes shoot glares at little Mokuba.  
  
Yugi: Ryou, I thought you were on my side?  
  
Ryou: I was, but my Yami isn't exactly as forgiving as yours.  
  
Bakura chose that precise moment to send a malicious glance at Yugi.  
  
Yugi: I see. (Sighs) Come on people, look at poor little Mokuba, don't you have it in your hearts to make a child's dream come true!  
  
Tea, Yugi and Serenity grab Mokuba and hold him out in front, making him look like quite the pathetic case.  
  
Ryou: Well. He's hardly World Vision material.  
  
Joey: But he does look pathetic!  
  
Tristen: And he's giving us that 'little kid' look. I. simple . can't .say . no. to .it. Crap!  
  
Yami: Oh fine, they can come, but on the condition that Seto has absolutely no say in any decision-making!  
  
Bakura: . No!  
  
Ryou: Please????? ^_^  
  
Bakura: . No!  
  
Tea: No big deal, majority rules. Bakura you'll just have to deal.  
  
Bakura: I'll kill you all in your sleep.  
  
No one heard Bakura say it though, as they had already gone up to the front desk to get the keys and sign the paper work.  
  
Lady: Have a nice day, and thank you for choosing Budget!  
  
They started to walk out the doors too, until they noticed that Seto wasn't coming. he was still just starting off into space like a statue.  
  
Yami: Are you coming?  
  
Seto: .  
  
Yugi: I think we should go check on him.  
  
So, everyone started back the way they came, and gathered around Kaiba.  
  
Serenity: It's freaky; he looks like he's dead.  
  
Joey: Yeah, I don't think he's blinked! Scary! (goes and huddles up next to Yami and Yugi.)  
  
Mokuba: Big brother?  
  
Seto: .  
  
Tea: He's acting like a catatonic or something. maybe its shock.  
  
Tristen: Okay, so he'll probably get over it then. Let's just shove him on the baggage cart!  
  
Joey: Good idea, on 3.  
  
Everyone grabbed a piece of Kaiba (a/n wish I could too!) and threw him on top of all the bags.  
  
~In the parking lot~  
  
Tea: No way! (O_O)  
  
Yami: That's it!  
  
Joey: It's held together with Boundo and duck tape!  
  
Parked in front of them was without a doubt, the biggest piece of shit they had ever laid eyes on. It was a large touring van, with blue paint that was half rusted off. The bumper was attached with what looked to be duck tape, and on the top of the van was a boat rack that was falling apart.  
  
Seto: (from atop the luggage cart) . no.  
  
Everyone: (O_O)  
  
Mokuba: Big brother! You can talk! (^_^)  
  
Seto: . no.  
  
Tea: Anyone else get the impression he doesn't want to ride in the van?  
  
Joey: Then he's gonna get in first!!! (Looking like Christmas had come early)  
  
Within a few minutes everyone was in the van. Seto was sitting rather tensely in the very back seat, although he had started to mutter about the 'embarrassment of being in a beater' and everyone figured that meant he was getting better, unfortunately. Mokuba was sitting beside him, and in the seat in front of them were Bakura, Ryou, and Serenity. In the front bench seat sat Yugi, Yami and Tea, and the driver was. Joey! With co-pilot Tristan of course!  
  
Serenity: I don't want to die.  
  
Joey: (^_^) Don't worry, I know what I'm doing! I've gotta license!  
  
Tristan: Yeah, but they drive on the right side of the road over here!  
  
Joey: Oh. uh, well does anyone gotta map?  
  
Tea: Yeah, here, please don't get us killed! (Handing a road map up to him.)  
  
20 minutes later they were driving through the outskirts of Calgary (a/n sorry if this isn't correct, but I'm not really sure where the airport is in the city, as I'm not even from Alberta!)  
  
Seto: So, tell me again where were going?  
  
Tea: Well it says here, (pulls out tour package info) that we have a circle tour that goes from Calgary to Medicine Hat, and then into the province of Saskatchewan, North through the province, then back into Alberta to Edmonton, and then south along the Rocky Mountains until we get to Calgary again! And we have accommodations provided at stops along the way for the full two weeks!  
  
Everyone: . What?  
  
Tea: Oh, never mind. Just follow the stops listed and we'll be all right.  
  
Joey: Okay, I can do dat!  
  
Tristan: Yeah, and I'll read the map!  
  
Seto: So basically were just driving through 'no mans land' for two weeks straight?  
  
Mokuba: Yep! Isn't it great!!???. (Making a cute pouting face)  
  
Seto: Umm, yeah, whatever.  
  
After a few hours of wrong turns, wrong lanes, and road rage the group pulled over at a gas station, to fill up on gas and junk food, and to use the bathrooms. Everyone was out of the 'beater' and in a mad dash for the toilets.  
  
Joey: Gota pee! Gotta pee! Outa my way!  
  
Seto: Dogs pee outside! (Shoving him out of the way)  
  
Tea: Humph, guys, they're so immature!  
  
Serenity: You've got that right! (Starts walking towards the ladies room) Oh look, it's only got one stall.  
  
Tea: It's mine!!!!  
  
~Several minutes later~  
  
Yugi: That's much better! ^_^ (walking out of the bathrooms)  
  
Yami: Yeah, I thought I was going to explode if I didn't pee.  
  
Joey and Tristan were already paying for the armfuls of snacks they had grabbed and Ryou was sent back out side with Bakura to pump gas. Seto was still in the bathroom waiting for Mokuba, and the girls were just on their way to the van.  
  
Tea: Oh look, is that a cowboy?  
  
The guy she was pointing out was probably in his teens and wearing a big, black cowboy hat, an ugly white button-up wrangler shirt, and disturbingly tight black jeans, which left little to the imagination.  
  
Cowboy: (tipping his hat) Ladies.  
  
Serenity & Tea: (giggle) Hehe, Howdy!  
  
Cowboy: You two must not be from around here, if you don't mind me saying so.  
  
Tea: No, we're on vacation here.  
  
Serenity: My name's Serenity and this is my friend Tea. ^_^  
  
Cowboy: Well it's nice meeting you two ladies. I'm Brendan.  
  
Meanwhile, over at the gas pumps stood Ryou, doing all the work, while his Yami watched.  
  
Bakura: Ahh, what is that?!? O_O (Pointing to where Tea and Serenity stood.)  
  
Ryou: I can't be certain, but I think that's a real life cowboy.  
  
Bakura: What the hell is a 'cowboy'?  
  
Ryou: I don't know really, I think it's more like a cliché for someone who dresses like they did in the old west and chases cows and such.  
  
Bakura: And the pants that ride up their ass?  
  
Ryou: Well, it must have some important reason I'm sure.  
  
Back inside the gas station Joey and Tristan had just finished paying for their stuff, and Yugi, Yami, Seto, and Mokuba were picking out their own snacks and drinks for the road. And standing beside them staring at a tin of frozen orange juice was the biggest redneck any of them had ever laid eyes on. He looked to be in his forties with a big bear belly sticking out of his undersized shirt, which read 'Rather be Fishing'.  
  
Mokuba: Hey mister, what's wrong with the can? (Points at the can of orange juice he's holding.)  
  
Redneck: It 'ere says, concentrate. I'm concentrating and ain't nothing's happening.  
  
Seto: Mokuba, get away from the mentally deranged man. (Gesturing wildly at his little brother to back away.)  
  
Redneck: Who ya calling mentally deranged ya yuppie!  
  
Seto: You imbecile! Do you even know who I am? -_- (Walking up to the redneck rather boldly.)  
  
Yami: Kaiba, maybe we should just leave him. (Stepping in front of a panicked Yugi)  
  
Redneck: I don' give a damn who ya'll are, I'm Cletus, and I don't like yer attitude!  
  
Seto: Oh, and what are you going to do about it?  
  
Cletus: Martha! Get my gun!  
  
Seto, Yami, Mokuba, Yugi: (O_O) UH OH!!!  
  
A/N: Well that's all for now, until my next update. Hope you enjoyed reading, and if you didn't, that's all right too! One thing I do hope you do though is review! Please! Pretty please! You'll make my day, plus get your say in as well. Till next time, review! 


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